Resolution...Shmesolution

So here we are...the first full week of 2010. Hope everyone made it through through the holidays safe and sound because I know all of you made it through a little fatter than you were prior to Thanksgiving. It's ok...it happens. That's what is good about all those days strung together. Its your excuse to let things go and indulge a bit. "I'll work it off when January gets here." "It's only 1 extra piece of pie." "I'm allowed to eat during the holidays because I starve myself all year long." "No biggie, one of my resolu...." SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

I hear all these excuses for eating crappy during this time of year. Did I? You bet I did but I'm not making excuses for it. Did I go buck wild...no. I had my share of cake and pie and turkey, and ham and potatoes and all the things that make this time of year grand. The one thing I WILL NOT DO is make a goddamned resolution to "Lose the holiday weight."

Resolutions are a load of crap. We make promises to ourselves to "be a better person", "Give more to charity.", "Lose those 20lbs I have been hanging on to."...and the list goes on and on. Almost every single solitary time YOU WILL FAIL. Wanna know why? It simple....we don't care enough to follow through. Sure there are some out there who get fed up and do something about it and there are those who start doing something about it but ultimately they falter because something comes along to derail them. Most of the time it is a subconscious action that they do that will ultimately derail their determination to lose weight. They do something that keeps them from going and before you know it the gym membership is 3 months old and only used about 6 weeks. Then you keep it and keep paying on it and still don't go, then you change bank accounts and forget about them auto drafting money for the membership you don't use and then before you know it you owe them a huge amount of money for something you never use. See how they stay in business??? All this hassle and money wasted because you made yourself a promise to lose weight and then didn't even have the courage of your own convictions to follow through. Pretty pathetic, huh?

Ok, so let's say you are steadfast in your thought process and you decide to do something about your gut/butt/thighs and 2010 is YOUR year. Let me give you some tips to help you on your way and hopefully win your personal battle against your bulge:

1. NEVER NEVER NEVER start on Monday. Worst possible mistake people make. Why, you ask? Because everyone hates Monday's especially the Monday after a holiday. You are doing something you don't want to do before you even start....go to work. Now, not only that but you have the anxiety of going to a public gym for the first time and you have no clue what you are going to do. They will laugh at you and you will be hated by those of us who know you are coming....and we do hate you.

2. It's OK to start small. "But...but...but...I gotta jump right in and go go go." SHUT....UP. You DO NOT live the Biggest Loser lifestyle. You DO NOT have the luxury of working with 2 bad ass trainers like those folks do and you were not tapped to be on a major TV show to try and win money. Face facts: you live in a world of bills, jobs, kids (sorry for you), pets, temptations, stress and all those other things that make our lives what they are. If you jump right in and change your eating habits, try and work out 2 hours each day and juggle your life YOU WILL FAIL. Start by going 3 time each week and get about 20-30 minutes of cardio in. Drink lot's of water and substitute your regular sodas for diet or unsweetened ice tea. Do this for a few weeks to get used to the gym environment. It is a huge culture shock and can be very intimidating.

3. DO NOT be afraid of the free weight area. Once you have become comfortable with the gym itself the go here: http://www.bodybuilding.com . That site is a wealth of knowledge for exercises that will target body parts and let you build your routine. "But all those beef heads intimidate me and I don't belong there." Do you have a gut? Do you want to get stronger? Do you HATE the look of the extra weight you carry? If you answered "YES" to any of those questions then you belong there.

4. STAY AWAY FROM THE GYM TRAINERS. Those guys and gals get paid by the hour and that hour is a waste of your time. I have been a member of 2 different national chain gyms and have yet to see a trainer that worked someone like they should be worked. It's a scam by he gyms to get more of your money. Period. I'm sure there are good trainers out there but I have yet to see one worth a damn or worth a dime.

5. DO NOT get discouraged if you work 30 minutes on the elliptical and your pants don't magically feel bigger the next day. Your fatness didn't happen over night and your skinniness won't either. This is a long process and it's frustrating but it's also part of the game. Your determination will be the key to your success.

6. Make yourself sweat like a damn field hand. Sweating does more than make you smell, it keeps you cool but it also tells you that you are burning calories. A calorie is a unit of heat. 1 calorie is how much heat it takes to raise the temp of 1 liter of water 1 degree. 1 pound of fat is 3500 calories. When you sweat you are slightly raising your core temp and thus "burning" calories. SWEAT SWEAT SWEAT.

7. Most importantly...DON'T MAKE EXCUSES...DON'T MAKE EXCUSES...DON'T MAKE EXCUSES. If your family complains about you not being there as much or your hubby is pissed cause you forgot to bring home some Lone Star Light then tell them to either shut up or get their fat asses up and join you.

I leave you with a video full of inspiration. If this doesn't make you feel like shit for every reason you have given not to change your life then enjoy your early grave.