It's been a few weeks since my mental breakdown so I figured it was time for an update:
The results from my Doctor appointments, blood tests and physical came in finally. Over a week of waiting and a little self-induced agony I found out that nothing is wrong. Nope, not a damn thing. My heart is good, lungs sound great (and I smoke), I have the cholesterol levels that prove I stay clear of crap food, my testosterone levels are normal and most importantly my thyroid levels are normal. I can't say that I'm entirely surprised by this. I knew everything was normal and functioning like it should. It's possible I let the mental aspect of my plateau get in the way of being as productive as I could be. As a result I caused Melissa to worry and probably had her head spinning about a number of other things that could be wrong. I also let a side of me show in my last post that I haven't seen in a very long time. I thought that part of me was long gone but it re-surfaced. For these things I apologize. I was a little out of my head and wasn't sure what to do. I know differently now. I know that no matter what is wrong I have someone I can talk to about anything. In the past it hasn't been so easy and I'm glad things are different now.
Now that the appointments are done, got my physical and had my hysterical break down it's time to figure out exactly where to go from here. The only logical thing that makes sense is to just keep going and keep plugging at it. Funny thing...my doctor said to me "You know, Thomas, sometimes you can't fight genetics. It's possible you were predetermined to be 212lbs and have a little gut." I looked at him like he second nose growing out of his eyeball. That is a statement I just cannot accept. We are all the products of our environment. Genetics predetermine things like hair color, eye color and such but I find it hard to believe that my genetics state I should have the perpetual beer gut when I don't drink that much beer. Sorry, thanks for playing.
I digress. Back to the issue at hand: What to do now? I think I may have the answer although it's not what I want. I obviously need to work harder in the gym and get back to doing more cardio. I'll admit I've slipped in that area. Also, I'm dialing back my carb intake. I started to analyze my carb consumption and realized I was not doing as well as I thought. Yes, I have been eating brown rice, wheat pasta and wheat bread regularly because they are better for you but I have been eating more than I should. When it boils down to it carbs are carbs are carbs. Good carbs or bad they can work against you. It seems like this is what has happened.
I have been eating way more than my fair share of yummy brown rice and wheat pasta and my carb count was, best guess, much more than what I was eating last summer when i had a decent amount of weight loss. Essentially what I have been doing is working out just enough to work off what I was eating. Thus my calories out were equal or less than calories in. Let's remember that weight loss= more calories out than in.
So there it is. I'm not sick, I'm not chemically imbalanced (although moral majority opinions vary) and I'm not necessarily doing anything wrong. I guess I just got lazy. I had nothing to work for or towards like I did last year. So that is where the next part of the challenge begins. The challenge being that I continue to lose. In my case I consider any loss an absolute win.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Testing...testing...1,2,3
Monday, March 15, 2010
The hate in me...
Recently I have had a ton of hatred and anger. Angry at my weight loss road block and angry at the gym in general. I hate the way I STILL look after many hours in the gym. I hate going to the gym because it feels like a fruitless endeavor only to have my weight stay the same as it has for the last 2 months or so.
I'm frustrated at my energy levels and my general apathy to even thinking about they gym. What's the point? I'm not getting anywhere and I am no closer to reaching my goal weight than I was when this year started. Busting ass to stay the same is not what I had in mind when I started this trek. People I talk to say "You look great! I can't believe you want to lose more." or "You know they say the last few pounds are the hardest to get rid of." Well, I don't know who "they" are and why "they" say that but fuck 'em cause they are wrong. I still have a gut and man boobs I can't get rid of and it literally pisses me off.
Right now I'm sitting at 212lbs. Granted that is a far cry from the 240lbs I was at but it has taken me a year or more to shed that. I still see myself as a fatty. My goal is 190lbs and it is within my reach. I don't eat crap, I stay away from refined sugars, I work out almost every week day and I still see no improvement. I have contemplated some very drastic things to accelerate my metabolism and none of them are good or healthy and most have a potential for even worse side effects. I take a stack right now but it just seems to keep me level, keeps my energy at a point I can function, not do more or work harder but just function.
To make matters worse...well not worse but definitely different is that Melissa has started on a medication that is giving her loads of lost energy due to it regulating her tyroid production. I, unfortunately, am still waiting on my test results and subsiquent doctors appointment where I hope a resolution can be found.
Admittedly it has caused a little depression. This is not me. I'm the happiest person I know. I have an absolutely perfect wife and perfect marriage but this stuggle is driving me insane. It's affected me in ways that I never thought of and I hope I can eventually explain it to the one I love. When you go to Poncho's Mexican Buffet you raise the flag for more....my flag has been missing. I know people read this who are close to Melissa and frankly I don't care who sees it. Its a real thing, its embarassing and it just adds insult to injury so to speak. I want it to stop.
That's all I have to say. I hate myself right now.
I'm frustrated at my energy levels and my general apathy to even thinking about they gym. What's the point? I'm not getting anywhere and I am no closer to reaching my goal weight than I was when this year started. Busting ass to stay the same is not what I had in mind when I started this trek. People I talk to say "You look great! I can't believe you want to lose more." or "You know they say the last few pounds are the hardest to get rid of." Well, I don't know who "they" are and why "they" say that but fuck 'em cause they are wrong. I still have a gut and man boobs I can't get rid of and it literally pisses me off.
Right now I'm sitting at 212lbs. Granted that is a far cry from the 240lbs I was at but it has taken me a year or more to shed that. I still see myself as a fatty. My goal is 190lbs and it is within my reach. I don't eat crap, I stay away from refined sugars, I work out almost every week day and I still see no improvement. I have contemplated some very drastic things to accelerate my metabolism and none of them are good or healthy and most have a potential for even worse side effects. I take a stack right now but it just seems to keep me level, keeps my energy at a point I can function, not do more or work harder but just function.
To make matters worse...well not worse but definitely different is that Melissa has started on a medication that is giving her loads of lost energy due to it regulating her tyroid production. I, unfortunately, am still waiting on my test results and subsiquent doctors appointment where I hope a resolution can be found.
Admittedly it has caused a little depression. This is not me. I'm the happiest person I know. I have an absolutely perfect wife and perfect marriage but this stuggle is driving me insane. It's affected me in ways that I never thought of and I hope I can eventually explain it to the one I love. When you go to Poncho's Mexican Buffet you raise the flag for more....my flag has been missing. I know people read this who are close to Melissa and frankly I don't care who sees it. Its a real thing, its embarassing and it just adds insult to injury so to speak. I want it to stop.
That's all I have to say. I hate myself right now.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Let's talk turkey....
....and beef and pork and chicken. Matter of fact let's have a little discussion about food in general. Recently Melissa and I watched a documentary called Food Inc. Take a few minutes and have a look at the trailer:
Official Food, Inc. Movie Site - Hungry For Change? - Trailer and Photos
Watching this movie opened my eyes to a "world behind the world" of the manufacturing and processing of a lot of the major things we eat daily. I've always had an idea that the processing of food is not a pretty business. Let's face it, most of us don't WANT to know where our food comes from. We just want it to be there when we are hungry. I read a lot of books in Culinary school, both by choice and force, about the industry I was jumping into. I wanted to learn as much as I could about all aspects of the food business because ultimately I thought it would make me more marketable and desirable for jobs. What I found out while reading is that the business as a whole is dirty. There are working conditions in food processing plants that wouldn't be acceptable in 3rd world countries but yet we allow it here. Undocumented workers along with falsified FDA, OSHA and USDA records. Human body parts cut off by equipment or machines moving too fast for the workers to keep up or the worker cutting off their own finger in the process. All of this stuff has or is currently happening. In their defense the conditions have improved greatly over the past 25 years but it's still not optimum. The ONLY thing all these companies are concerned about is growing it faster, growing it bigger, harvesting it cheaper, selling it cheaper to be produced, producing it faster and selling it at the maximum profit margin possible.
"Woa, bro, whoa...whoa. How the hell do they know what kind of chicken wings I like and when to put them on sale?"
What a fan-damn-tastic question. I'll tell you. The answer is...YOU! They know what you like, how you like it, what brand you like and how often you buy it. Every time you go to the grocery store and an item you buy is scanned they got you. On June 26, 1974 the VERY first item was scanned and logged by a barcode reader: a 10 pack of Wrigley's gum. In the beginning it was a benign concept: make getting in and out of the grocery store quicker, let's save our checkers from carpel tunnel syndrome and "enhance" the drudgery of grocery shopping with some technology to make life simple. Behind the veil of the innocuous barcode scanner lies a horde of information being gathered such as: Product name, brand name or generic, date/time, coupon used, frequency purchased, quantity at any given time sold, on sale or not and even if the purchase was made with cash or credit card. They know EVERYTHING about that purchase. Granted this information is incredibly useful to the store directly and will ultimately affect the amount of inventory delivered. But let's follow the trail a little further. The item is scanned, info obtained, inventory levels adjusted, orders placed, distributors notified and their inventory adjusted, producer/manufacturer notified to produce more, farmers told to increase yield to deliver to manufacturing plant. Thousands of people across the country affected by YOU buying ONE bag of chicken wings. Amazing, huh?
There lies the rub. You making that purchase is what has caused overproduction and adulteration of our food supply. Because of the poor eating habits over the last 30-40 years it has caused higher levels of artificial chemicals to be used to produce a bigger tomato, larger chicken, bigger cattle and everything else that we have wanted "supersized". Hormones, antibiotics, gene therapy and even gene splicing have been used by companies to try and produce a better.....no.....larger and more profitable product. That is what it comes down to....money. The almighty dollar bill. Everyone wants to make a cheaper and more profitable product. At the same time they want to pay the lowest possible wage, skirt regulations when they can and produce that product as quick as possible. I gotta admit it makes good business sense but the process has bastardized the food and ultimately we suffer for it.
We suffer for in our healthcare costs. We suffer for it in our bank accounts. Your children suffer for it with their immune systems. Kids are maturing quicker these days and it is blatantly obvious. How many 15 year old girls did you see 15 years ago will a full C cup breasts? How many do you see now? Yep....I see a lot more. How many kids over the last 10 years have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD and subsequently prescribed a medication to combat it? Now, take all that info and think REALLY hard about how food tastes have changed and how much more access kids have to fast food with high amounts of fat, sugar, sodium and a host of other chemicals I can't pronounce. Coincidence....possibly but the argument could be made.
I'll use myself as an example. This whole time I have been writing this post I have been sipping on my favorite drink: Diet Dr Pepper. Ok, ok it's not my favorite but since I'm cutting calories and need caffeine I drink it. OK....ok I know I don't need caffeine but I'm gonna drink it so STFU. Anyway....I'm looking at the ingredient list and it is as follows word for word:
Carbonated water, Caramel coloring, Aspartame, Phosphoric acid, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Sodium Benzonate (preservative), Caffeine, Phenylketonurids: Contains Phenylalanine
I bolded what was bolded on the can. WTF is this? I had to Google it. Here is what Wiki says:
"Phenylalanine (abbreviated as Phe or F)[1] is an α-amino acid with the formula HO2CCH(NH2)CH2C6H5. This essential amino acid is classified as nonpolar because of the hydrophobic nature of the benzyl side chain. L-Phenylalanine (LPA) is an electrically-neutral amino acid, one of the twenty common amino acids used to biochemically form proteins, coded for by DNA. The codons for L-phenylalanine are UUU and UUC. Phenylalanine is structurally closely related to dopamine, epinephrine (adrenaline) and tyrosine.
Phenylalanine is found naturally in the breast milk of mammals. It is used in the manufacture of food and drink products and sold as a nutritional supplement for its reputed analgesic and antidepressant effects. It is a direct precursor to the neuromodulator phenylethylamine, a commonly used dietary supplement."
WAIT.....so my Diet DP has an antidepressant added to it??!!!
It makes perfect sense if you think about it. Aspartame, which is the scientific term for Sweet-n-Low, is the main sweetening agent found in a ton of diet drinks. Aspartame is not known for making you feel better and giving you the "boost" you might look for if you were to drink a non-diet soda that contains high fructose corn syrup. So the Soda Nerds at Dr Pepper found a naturally occurring essential amino acid, isolated it and added it to your favorite diet soda. Now you get the same euphoric and "uplifting feeling" that you get when you drink a non-diet soda. Clever little nerds aren't they?
I could go on and on all day about this and bore you to tears while at the same time making you scared about everything you put in your mouth. So you might be asking yourself "What can I do about this? It's Big Business. I can't fight big business." Here is what you can do:
VOTE WITH YOUR WALLET!!
Don't let Big Business have your money if you don't want to. We, as consumers, have the choice. We always have. That choice has NEVER been taken away from us but we have been "trained" to believe that quicker and cheaper is better because Big Business is JUST as concerned about your wallet as you are. I am not naive to the fact there are common things that we have to have daily to survive. The point I'm trying to make is that you have a choice as to where you buy your food. Every time you give "them" your money you are supporting their efforts to continue to market crap to you, your family and your children. Support your local farmers and growers. Shop at a local Farmers Market once a week. Choose meat and poultry that comes from a farm that grass feeds the cows and let's the chickens at least run semi-free. Trust me, I know it costs more and, again, the wallet talks more in many cases but I can guarantee you that making better food choices and exercise 2-3 times a week you WILL feel better, lessen your doctor visits and SAVE you money. That is all the science you need in your meal. Save the chemistry for science class because it doesn't belong at the dinner table.
Some useful links and information:
http://www.localharvest.org/
http://www.polyfacefarms.com/
http://www.hirschsmeats.com/
http://www.texasgrassfedbeef.com/
http://www.rense.com/general76/chk.htm
Official Food, Inc. Movie Site - Hungry For Change? - Trailer and Photos
Watching this movie opened my eyes to a "world behind the world" of the manufacturing and processing of a lot of the major things we eat daily. I've always had an idea that the processing of food is not a pretty business. Let's face it, most of us don't WANT to know where our food comes from. We just want it to be there when we are hungry. I read a lot of books in Culinary school, both by choice and force, about the industry I was jumping into. I wanted to learn as much as I could about all aspects of the food business because ultimately I thought it would make me more marketable and desirable for jobs. What I found out while reading is that the business as a whole is dirty. There are working conditions in food processing plants that wouldn't be acceptable in 3rd world countries but yet we allow it here. Undocumented workers along with falsified FDA, OSHA and USDA records. Human body parts cut off by equipment or machines moving too fast for the workers to keep up or the worker cutting off their own finger in the process. All of this stuff has or is currently happening. In their defense the conditions have improved greatly over the past 25 years but it's still not optimum. The ONLY thing all these companies are concerned about is growing it faster, growing it bigger, harvesting it cheaper, selling it cheaper to be produced, producing it faster and selling it at the maximum profit margin possible.
"Woa, bro, whoa...whoa. How the hell do they know what kind of chicken wings I like and when to put them on sale?"
What a fan-damn-tastic question. I'll tell you. The answer is...YOU! They know what you like, how you like it, what brand you like and how often you buy it. Every time you go to the grocery store and an item you buy is scanned they got you. On June 26, 1974 the VERY first item was scanned and logged by a barcode reader: a 10 pack of Wrigley's gum. In the beginning it was a benign concept: make getting in and out of the grocery store quicker, let's save our checkers from carpel tunnel syndrome and "enhance" the drudgery of grocery shopping with some technology to make life simple. Behind the veil of the innocuous barcode scanner lies a horde of information being gathered such as: Product name, brand name or generic, date/time, coupon used, frequency purchased, quantity at any given time sold, on sale or not and even if the purchase was made with cash or credit card. They know EVERYTHING about that purchase. Granted this information is incredibly useful to the store directly and will ultimately affect the amount of inventory delivered. But let's follow the trail a little further. The item is scanned, info obtained, inventory levels adjusted, orders placed, distributors notified and their inventory adjusted, producer/manufacturer notified to produce more, farmers told to increase yield to deliver to manufacturing plant. Thousands of people across the country affected by YOU buying ONE bag of chicken wings. Amazing, huh?
There lies the rub. You making that purchase is what has caused overproduction and adulteration of our food supply. Because of the poor eating habits over the last 30-40 years it has caused higher levels of artificial chemicals to be used to produce a bigger tomato, larger chicken, bigger cattle and everything else that we have wanted "supersized". Hormones, antibiotics, gene therapy and even gene splicing have been used by companies to try and produce a better.....no.....larger and more profitable product. That is what it comes down to....money. The almighty dollar bill. Everyone wants to make a cheaper and more profitable product. At the same time they want to pay the lowest possible wage, skirt regulations when they can and produce that product as quick as possible. I gotta admit it makes good business sense but the process has bastardized the food and ultimately we suffer for it.
We suffer for in our healthcare costs. We suffer for it in our bank accounts. Your children suffer for it with their immune systems. Kids are maturing quicker these days and it is blatantly obvious. How many 15 year old girls did you see 15 years ago will a full C cup breasts? How many do you see now? Yep....I see a lot more. How many kids over the last 10 years have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD and subsequently prescribed a medication to combat it? Now, take all that info and think REALLY hard about how food tastes have changed and how much more access kids have to fast food with high amounts of fat, sugar, sodium and a host of other chemicals I can't pronounce. Coincidence....possibly but the argument could be made.
I'll use myself as an example. This whole time I have been writing this post I have been sipping on my favorite drink: Diet Dr Pepper. Ok, ok it's not my favorite but since I'm cutting calories and need caffeine I drink it. OK....ok I know I don't need caffeine but I'm gonna drink it so STFU. Anyway....I'm looking at the ingredient list and it is as follows word for word:
Carbonated water, Caramel coloring, Aspartame, Phosphoric acid, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Sodium Benzonate (preservative), Caffeine, Phenylketonurids: Contains Phenylalanine
I bolded what was bolded on the can. WTF is this? I had to Google it. Here is what Wiki says:
"Phenylalanine (abbreviated as Phe or F)[1] is an α-amino acid with the formula HO2CCH(NH2)CH2C6H5. This essential amino acid is classified as nonpolar because of the hydrophobic nature of the benzyl side chain. L-Phenylalanine (LPA) is an electrically-neutral amino acid, one of the twenty common amino acids used to biochemically form proteins, coded for by DNA. The codons for L-phenylalanine are UUU and UUC. Phenylalanine is structurally closely related to dopamine, epinephrine (adrenaline) and tyrosine.
Phenylalanine is found naturally in the breast milk of mammals. It is used in the manufacture of food and drink products and sold as a nutritional supplement for its reputed analgesic and antidepressant effects. It is a direct precursor to the neuromodulator phenylethylamine, a commonly used dietary supplement."
WAIT.....so my Diet DP has an antidepressant added to it??!!!
It makes perfect sense if you think about it. Aspartame, which is the scientific term for Sweet-n-Low, is the main sweetening agent found in a ton of diet drinks. Aspartame is not known for making you feel better and giving you the "boost" you might look for if you were to drink a non-diet soda that contains high fructose corn syrup. So the Soda Nerds at Dr Pepper found a naturally occurring essential amino acid, isolated it and added it to your favorite diet soda. Now you get the same euphoric and "uplifting feeling" that you get when you drink a non-diet soda. Clever little nerds aren't they?
I could go on and on all day about this and bore you to tears while at the same time making you scared about everything you put in your mouth. So you might be asking yourself "What can I do about this? It's Big Business. I can't fight big business." Here is what you can do:
VOTE WITH YOUR WALLET!!
Don't let Big Business have your money if you don't want to. We, as consumers, have the choice. We always have. That choice has NEVER been taken away from us but we have been "trained" to believe that quicker and cheaper is better because Big Business is JUST as concerned about your wallet as you are. I am not naive to the fact there are common things that we have to have daily to survive. The point I'm trying to make is that you have a choice as to where you buy your food. Every time you give "them" your money you are supporting their efforts to continue to market crap to you, your family and your children. Support your local farmers and growers. Shop at a local Farmers Market once a week. Choose meat and poultry that comes from a farm that grass feeds the cows and let's the chickens at least run semi-free. Trust me, I know it costs more and, again, the wallet talks more in many cases but I can guarantee you that making better food choices and exercise 2-3 times a week you WILL feel better, lessen your doctor visits and SAVE you money. That is all the science you need in your meal. Save the chemistry for science class because it doesn't belong at the dinner table.
Some useful links and information:
http://www.localharvest.org/
http://www.polyfacefarms.com/
http://www.hirschsmeats.com/
http://www.texasgrassfedbeef.com/
http://www.rense.com/general76/chk.htm
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