The end of the year is upon us....a little 4th+ quarter update.

It has been some time since I've posted something in this blog.  Not sure why...maybe apathy, laziness or just a blah attitude to putting anything down for anyone else to read.  I have a habit of sharing my daily routine with my wonderful Wife and she patiently listens to my nerdy ramblings.

Speaking of nerdy stuff, I'm no longer in the Conference Center.  I took a new job in the same hospital as a Technical Analyst in the IT&S department.  I went from a private office on the 2nd floor of a relatively new tower to a cube in the basement devoid of any natural light.  I am constantly surrounded by screens, computers, laptops and various gadgets and tech stuff that keeps me content and my mind constantly occupied.  This is a VERY good thing.  I basically sit in my cube and work trouble tickets that come in from various departments around the hospital.  One thing that has become more clear to me than anything since I've been in IT is that the general populous of clinicians and clinical managers are fucking stupid.  At least here they are.  And when I say stupid I mean they know NOTHING beyond what is right in front of them.  On top of all that they are all in an ass-kissing contest with our still-new CEO.  It's disgusting but at least I don't have to subject myself directly to their world.  I go in, do what I have to and then I'm gone.  Most of my stuff can be done remotely as well.....BONUS.  On top of that I can still listen to music and chat with Melissa....BONUS..BONUS!!!

I did start school this semester.  It didn't go as well as I expected and pretty much bombed.  I suck at math and couple that with starting a new position....well let's just say I had a meltdown and the semester is/was a bust.  There is always next semester and I'm in no hurry to finish.

As I have immersed myself deeper into the IT world I realize that I should have worked harder to stay in it before.  I went to culinary school and took a huge detour and learned some skills that will definitely benefit everyone around me.  Was it worth the cost.....that is still to be decided.  Am I much happier now...definitely. More-so in my new job than before.  When I leave work I leave work at work.  I don't get the random calls on Saturday mornings because the stupid breast feeding instructor can't learn how to turn shit on or calls from my Director telling me about her current ailment and why she can't come in to work.  The only time I'll have to take a call after work is when my name falls in the on-call rotation.  Then I'll actually be getting PAID for answering that call and for potentially having to go in to help someone.

I'm looking forward to 2011.  I'm looking forward to spending another year with the woman I love more than myself and seeing what happens.  We always have something planned or a goal we want to achieve.  We have been thinking about a rent house after this lease is up, have a few other things planned for next year but beyond that I couldn't tell you.  We tend to be spontaneous and I love that about us.

That's all I have.  I hope those of you who read this (if anyone) have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.  Spend these last days of 2010 with those you love and who love you equally.  Too often we cherish the tangible and take the intangible for granted.  I'll be around.....

So a little update...

Just wanted to drop a quick update to let everyone know that things are going exactly as planned. I have had a couple of really good runs and yesterday I hit a new personal distance record by going 4.57 miles in just over an hour. Not bad for a fatty who never put much stock into running and laughed out loud at the running fools I used to see around the neighborhood.

Also I have enlisted the help of technology once again. I started using the Nike+ system with my iPod. I am amazed at the information this thing gathers. Time, distance, pace, calories and best of all.....it tracks your overall progress. Info is synced with iTunes and then uploaded to the Nike+ site. You can put goals for yourself and it keeps pace of those goals. Really cool stuff:

Pretty damn nifty. Unfortunately I can't add the miles I have already gone cause this is more "real-time". As of right now I have completed about 18 miles give or take. Still a long way to go but I have time and I have a feeling I will crush my goal.

Stay tuned....

The journey of 1000 miles begins with one step

Yea, yea...OK that title was thuper ghey but I just couldn't think of anything else to title this blog post. It does, however, have a great deal to do with the goal I have set out for myself for this summer. We are planning a vacation in September where the beaches are vast, alcohol is flowing and clothes are limited. So here we go...

Everyone seems to have a goal for the summer and for some reason I had a hard time finding one for myself. I'm within about 20 or so pounds of my overall weight goal so I needed something to challenge myself. I love a challenge and I love learning something new. Before I begin explaining the torture I plan on putting myself through I need to take a moment and recognize a couple of people.

First, my lovely and beautiful wife. She has set out for herself a monthly goal for weight loss and I firmly believe she will accomplish it. I have the utmost faith in her and her abilities and her tenacity is one of her many endearing qualities which I love.

Second, my Dad. Christ on a cracker this man never ceases to amaze me. 61 years old and about 8 weeks ago he put down the cigarettes. After 10 years of smoking he just dropped them. No question, no self bargaining to slow down. He just quit. Now he has a goal to lose about 20lbs by the time our September vacay rolls around.


This brings me to my goal for the summer. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to push myself to do and then it hit me yesterday during my workout:

I VOW TO RUN/WALK AT LEAST 150 MILES BETWEEN NOW AND THE TIME SEPTEMBER 23RD ROLLS AROUND.

Whoa....whoa....wait...wait...wait...you must be asking yourself "When did Thomas start running?" I have been attempting to increase my running capabilities pretty steady-like over the last few weeks. I have a trail mapped out thanks to a biking/running trail built by the city:

You can kinda see my route in red but if you can't just know that it is long and hard like 3rd grade for a bl....never-mind. Bear in mind that I am still running at the same time of day I was working out in the gym which is around 4pm. I'm in Texas...it's hot a balls....my balls get hot. The temperature is averaging around 98-101F for the last few weeks. Yup I'm a sadist. I must be to run in Hell.

Here is my challenge laid out in its entirety:

There are approx 14 weeks til September 23rd. That is 98 days including weekends. My average route is 3.2 miles. If my plan is to run/walk 150 miles then it should take me 47 days to do so. "Whoa, bro, you got plenty of time to hit that mark." Well you would think that but as of right now I don't have the stamina to do this every day so I am accounting for 3-4 times per week of hitting this trail. I expect my stamina to slowly build as I do this more often so I thing 150 is a very attainable goal.

To track my progress I have a spreadsheet where I will notate my mileage, steps and calories burned. I can do this thanks to the glorious miracles of modern technology and a little device called a pedometer. It will track all the info I need to make sure I'm honest with myself and can achive everything I want to.

So that's it. My challenge, my goal, my hell for the summer. 150 miles by September 23rd. As always I will update my blog and let you know how I'm doing and the inevitable heat stroke that will happen.

Hello, my name is Thomas and I'm an addict...

I'm not addicted to illegal drugs, food, alcohol or prescription pills. I'm addicted to energy drinks, specifically Monster. I like to "Unleash the Beast" as the can says. L-Carnitine, taurine and ginseng how I long for your tingle on my tongue. Caffeine, you my friend, are what gets my blood flowing. Hey there B-Vitamins glad you made it cause I need you more than ever. What exactly is your flavor? Fruit punch? Strawberry? Some amalgamation of everything that is tasty? It matters not because you quench my thirst, tickle my taste buds and make me crash. Ah the dreaded crash. I feel you coming on as my eyelids get heavy, my irritation levels increase and my urge to kill rises to Ted Bundy-like levels. Like a junky looking for a heroine fix, a coke addict looking for a bump or a fatty looking for a donut to eat in the dark. You have me fixated on the rush and I cry a little inside when you are gone.

In all seriousness I drink way too many of them. Monster, Red Bull and Venom are my poisons of choice. Unfortunately 2 of them are CONSTANTLY at my disposal as they are sold here at work and for much less than my local QT or Race Trac does. To make matters worse is I get $6 each day allotted to me for food by my department. Now, let me make one thing very clear: I do eat and I do not squander my per Diem on energy drinks. I do, however, use some of that allowance to buy one. That being said, I looked in my car which doubles as a trash can and noticed the carnage of spent cans in the back. It's pure aluminum carnage and some cans are crushed most likely as a result of the "monster" strength I got from chugging a can. Yea I know....don't crush my dreams. The can has a small label "warning" on it that says not to consume more than 3 cans each day. There have been days in the past where I have had more than 3 so I hope that's a polite suggestion and not a precursor warning of imminent death or coronary explosion. I felt OK afterward.....a little jittery and was playing with knives but I was fine.

Since I am of the analytical, aka. nerd, mind let's dissect the components of a typical 16oz can of green Monster shall we? First off you see the green trademarked "M" logo where it's obvious that a huge beast of a person has scratched his way through sheer aluminum. OK...I'm sold. Blog post done. KIDDING!! The next thing you see is "ENERGY". Hey, I need energy, there is energy in this can. If I consume the drink I can have energy too. FUCKING SWEEEET!! WWWRRRRRRAAAARRRRRRR!!! Oh wait...there is some strange "extra" stuff in my can of liquid fuck-off. Let's dig deeper into them and see what's up:


Straight jacked from Wiki:


TAURINE- Taurine, or 2-aminoethanesulfonic acid, is an organic acid. It is a major constituent of bile and can be found in the lower intestineand, in small amounts, in the tissues of many animals, including humans.Taurine is a derivative of the sulfur-containing (sulfhydryl) amino acid cysteine. Taurine is one of the few known naturally occurring sulfonic acids.

Despite being present in many energy foods, taurine has not been proven to be energy-giving. FUCK!!!!

Taurine is regularly used as an ingredient in energy drinks, with many containing 1000mg per serving, and some as much as 2000mg. A 2003 study by the European Food Safety Authority found no adverse effects for up to 1,000 mg of Taurine per kilogram of bodyweight per day; however this was in regards to Taurine alone, noting they did not compare the effects of Taurine when combined with the other ingredients in energy drinks.

A review published in 2008 found no documented reports of negative health effects associated with the amount of taurine used in energy drinks, concluding that "The amounts of guarana, taurine, and ginseng found in popular energy drinks are far below the amounts expected to deliver either therapeutic benefits or adverse events".

OK, so we can derrive from my snippets that Taurine is pretty useless on it's own but let's keep on trucking cause there is more.

L-Carnitine- is a quaternary ammonium compound biosynthesized from the amino acids lysine and methionine. In living cells, it is required for the transport of fatty acids from the cytosol into the mitochondria during the breakdown of lipids (or fats) for the generation of metabolic energy. It is often sold as a nutritional supplement. Carnitine was originally found as a growth factor for mealworms and labeled vitamin Bt.

Is your head spinning yet?? There's more:

As a weight loss supplement
"Although L-carnitine has been marketed as a weight loss supplement, there is no scientific evidence to show that it improves weight loss, however some studies show that oral carnitine reduces fat mass, increases muscle mass, and reduces fatigue. All of these effects may contribute to weight loss."

Regular supplements of L-carnitine, however, contribute to energy metabolism and improved neurotransmitter function in the brain in elderly.

Well...that's promising, right? BUT WAIT!!! THERE'S MORE!!!

This stuff has some other things in it too like Ginseng root used for many things in the Asian culture for centuries like treatment for Type II diabetes, as an aphrodisiac and for sexual dysfunction. As my smoking hot wife will tell you I got no problems in the dysfunction part. Giggity.

Guarana...ahhhh this little climbing plant produces a bean that is harvested. Now you java junkies think you got the low down of caffeine?? You got nothing on this little gem. One bean contains TWICE (2x) the caffeine found in your typical coffee bean. BOOOOOM!! What some may not know is that naturally occurring caffeine is actually a defense mechanism to keep the bugs away from the fruit of the plant. Being humans we have once again pilfered nature for our own personal gains and because I need my caffeine before I kill someone in a bloody raging fit because I haven't had my FIX GODDAMNIT!!!! But I digress...

Most people think Americans got the juice when it comes to energy drinks, strong coffee and sodas but the Brazilians have soft drinks(pop, coke, soda) that is made with guarana and supposedly these sweet Baby Jesus-sent cans of love give American sodas and energy drinks the dirty middle finger when it comes to zip-zoom.

Ok, ok so what am I getting at with all my Monster induced rambling? It goes back to what I have said all along.....moderation. Aside from energy drinks having a sleu of questionable chemicals, sugar, rocket fuel, gun powder and maybe trace amounts nuclear over run they are filled with empty calories. One 16oz can has 2 servings at 100 calories per serving....200 per can....drink one a day and that is 1000 extra empty calories per work week. Ouch. I'll make you all a promise: You find one thing you love and back off by half and I'll cut my energy drink consumption down to 2 per week....deal?

Pardon me, I need to go mainline another can first.


I'll leave you with some parting thoughts as I setup my Monster IV:

So..what's been happening?

Feels like ages since I have posted something of value, inspiring or note-worthy but alas I don't have much.

Melissa and I did attend the "Live Green Expo" recently in Richardson. It was a hippy hemp fest to a point but found it rather bland for our lifestyle because we are not home owners. Most of the booths and vendors were geared to those who are not apartment dwellers. Living in an apartment does not lend itself well to composting, solar panel installation or gardening on a large enough scale to eliminate grocery store visits. We did see some of the other local Farmer's Markets other than the Dallas market which was cool. We stumbled on a one called Newflower Farmer's Market in Plano. This place is cool. Lots of fresh veggies and more organic stuff than you can shake a hippie at. We were both impressed at the quality and flavor of the organic foods we bought. First thing we noticed....most of the organics are smaller in physical size but the flavor is amazing. For example, we eat lettuce, Romaine to be exact and have been buying packs from Wal-Mart or Sam's Club and it has just been regular lettuce and what we have expected. Then we decided to try the organic Romaine and was blown away with how flavorful it was in comparison. The texture was different, it had less water and more flavor. We found that with other things too like bananas and red onions. Now as Americans we have been trained to think "bigger is better" but in this case not so much. Also, I only cook for 2 people. Size of the veggies doesn't really matter. I make a ton of veggies every dinner and we always seems to have enough. What really gets me is the price. They use LESS or NOTHING extra to make this thing grow yet you grow it smaller AND charge me more? It seems produce is not immune to fancy marketing. It is more expensive but after a while you get used to it but there is still a part of you that thinks "Damn, I can get a 3-pack of Romaine at Wal-Mart with heads twice that size for half the price." It's a tough mental challenge to overcome no doubt.

Is organic more healthy? Is it worth the price? Can I continue to buy organic just on taste alone? Am I really helping a local farmer? Am I just conforming to another trend? How does buying more expensive organic produce help me? Can I afford it? Am I doing nothing more than helping large produce growers get richer by buying what THEY claim is organic? Am I the victim of fancy marketing? WHAT IS IN IT FOR ME???

Those are all the questions that swim in my head when we buy organics. Most of them I can't answer with 100% confidence. My culinary training tells me to buy the best to cook with because it will produce the best outcome. Meh...sometimes that's the case and sometimes not. Flavor is such a subjective thing. I buy store brand olive oil as an example. Tastes great, still first cold pressing of the olives but $3 less per bottle than Colavita. I'm still not convinced that organics are healthier or better. They taste great but beyond that I couldn't tell you.

Again, it boils down to this: Buy healthy and buy what you can afford. Stay away from crap, exercise and be active. If you can't buy an organic cucumber then buy the regular one. Just make sure you buy one. Vote with your wallet and vote as often as possible. Voting has been the way making decisions in this country for hundreds of years but for some reason we choose to not use the one thing that speaks louder than a voice, a ballot or a campaign......our money.

Testing...testing...1,2,3

It's been a few weeks since my mental breakdown so I figured it was time for an update:


The results from my Doctor appointments, blood tests and physical came in finally. Over a week of waiting and a little self-induced agony I found out that nothing is wrong. Nope, not a damn thing. My heart is good, lungs sound great (and I smoke), I have the cholesterol levels that prove I stay clear of crap food, my testosterone levels are normal and most importantly my thyroid levels are normal. I can't say that I'm entirely surprised by this. I knew everything was normal and functioning like it should. It's possible I let the mental aspect of my plateau get in the way of being as productive as I could be. As a result I caused Melissa to worry and probably had her head spinning about a number of other things that could be wrong. I also let a side of me show in my last post that I haven't seen in a very long time. I thought that part of me was long gone but it re-surfaced. For these things I apologize. I was a little out of my head and wasn't sure what to do. I know differently now. I know that no matter what is wrong I have someone I can talk to about anything. In the past it hasn't been so easy and I'm glad things are different now.

Now that the appointments are done, got my physical and had my hysterical break down it's time to figure out exactly where to go from here. The only logical thing that makes sense is to just keep going and keep plugging at it. Funny thing...my doctor said to me "You know, Thomas, sometimes you can't fight genetics. It's possible you were predetermined to be 212lbs and have a little gut." I looked at him like he second nose growing out of his eyeball. That is a statement I just cannot accept. We are all the products of our environment. Genetics predetermine things like hair color, eye color and such but I find it hard to believe that my genetics state I should have the perpetual beer gut when I don't drink that much beer. Sorry, thanks for playing.

I digress. Back to the issue at hand: What to do now? I think I may have the answer although it's not what I want. I obviously need to work harder in the gym and get back to doing more cardio. I'll admit I've slipped in that area. Also, I'm dialing back my carb intake. I started to analyze my carb consumption and realized I was not doing as well as I thought. Yes, I have been eating brown rice, wheat pasta and wheat bread regularly because they are better for you but I have been eating more than I should. When it boils down to it carbs are carbs are carbs. Good carbs or bad they can work against you. It seems like this is what has happened.

I have been eating way more than my fair share of yummy brown rice and wheat pasta and my carb count was, best guess, much more than what I was eating last summer when i had a decent amount of weight loss. Essentially what I have been doing is working out just enough to work off what I was eating. Thus my calories out were equal or less than calories in. Let's remember that weight loss= more calories out than in.

So there it is. I'm not sick, I'm not chemically imbalanced (although moral majority opinions vary) and I'm not necessarily doing anything wrong. I guess I just got lazy. I had nothing to work for or towards like I did last year. So that is where the next part of the challenge begins. The challenge being that I continue to lose. In my case I consider any loss an absolute win.

The hate in me...

Recently I have had a ton of hatred and anger. Angry at my weight loss road block and angry at the gym in general. I hate the way I STILL look after many hours in the gym. I hate going to the gym because it feels like a fruitless endeavor only to have my weight stay the same as it has for the last 2 months or so.

I'm frustrated at my energy levels and my general apathy to even thinking about they gym. What's the point? I'm not getting anywhere and I am no closer to reaching my goal weight than I was when this year started. Busting ass to stay the same is not what I had in mind when I started this trek. People I talk to say "You look great! I can't believe you want to lose more." or "You know they say the last few pounds are the hardest to get rid of." Well, I don't know who "they" are and why "they" say that but fuck 'em cause they are wrong. I still have a gut and man boobs I can't get rid of and it literally pisses me off.

Right now I'm sitting at 212lbs. Granted that is a far cry from the 240lbs I was at but it has taken me a year or more to shed that. I still see myself as a fatty. My goal is 190lbs and it is within my reach. I don't eat crap, I stay away from refined sugars, I work out almost every week day and I still see no improvement. I have contemplated some very drastic things to accelerate my metabolism and none of them are good or healthy and most have a potential for even worse side effects. I take a stack right now but it just seems to keep me level, keeps my energy at a point I can function, not do more or work harder but just function.

To make matters worse...well not worse but definitely different is that Melissa has started on a medication that is giving her loads of lost energy due to it regulating her tyroid production. I, unfortunately, am still waiting on my test results and subsiquent doctors appointment where I hope a resolution can be found.

Admittedly it has caused a little depression. This is not me. I'm the happiest person I know. I have an absolutely perfect wife and perfect marriage but this stuggle is driving me insane. It's affected me in ways that I never thought of and I hope I can eventually explain it to the one I love. When you go to Poncho's Mexican Buffet you raise the flag for more....my flag has been missing. I know people read this who are close to Melissa and frankly I don't care who sees it. Its a real thing, its embarassing and it just adds insult to injury so to speak. I want it to stop.

That's all I have to say. I hate myself right now.